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I was at the urinal, looking at my phone, texting while pissing. Gabriel and Wenjie were using the urinals to my right.

I heard Wenjie tell Gabriel...

It is very thick.

A few seconds of silence ensued before I burst out laughing so hard that I almost cried.

Actually, Wenjie was referring to the rugby jersey which Gabriel was wearing.

I've been experiencing intermittent internet disconnections ever since I moved to Changi Rise. The download speed has increased five-fold (even with the same subscription plan) as compared to my previous place. But the frequent disconnections made it a pain-in-the-ass to surf.

The Singtel repairman was supposed to arrive between 4 p.m. to 6 p.m.

I waited till 7 p.m. but nobody arrived or even called. Frustrated, I told my mum about it.

Me: The Singtel guy was supposed to arrive this afternoon. Nobody showed up!
Mum: A guy from Singtel called this morning. He asked if there was any problem with the internet connection.
Me: So what time did he say he was coming?
Mum: I told him the internet connection was working fine.

Someone kept calling me in class today. My phone was on silent. The phone was vibrating in my pocket for a prolonged period, due to three missed calls.

Another call came. I bent down under my table and whispered into the phone... I'm having class now. Sorry. Then I hung up.

An sms came a while later from the number 9XXX9607:

U are ah kee repairing refreigerator (sic)?

I don't know how this person got my number. Wenjie was urging me to acknowledge an appointment at 10 p.m. That's wicked!

There was a Business Strategy project presentation going on today in tutorial class, regarding the merger of two automobile giants.

Q&As were already pre-planned (without the lecturer knowing, of course). The presentation by our three classmates went along well. They spoke confidently. Their slides were very well planned and designed.

The pre-planned Q&A went on as planned, with a little help from the students around who also gained participation marks for engaging the presenters. The questions were already written on pieces of handouts and secretly passed around.

Nothing could possibly go wrong with the Q&A. The last presenter, let's call him Presenter X, decided to prove otherwise. He decided to go-the-extra-mile, but in the wrong direction.

Presenter X : Next question?
Classmate : Ah... yes, I would like to ask a question about XXXX.
Presenter X : Good question. Luckily, I have also prepared a slide on this.

His choice of words, coupled with his horrible sense of timing, with little acting, gave him away.

*Presenter scrolls down to the slide, which we have never seen*

The topic of the slide was EXACTLY the same, word-for-word, as the question asked. It was absolutely hilarious for the class to watch an already pre-planned Q&A session go totally wrong. Even the classmate who asked that question, as instructed, felt so embarrassed.

I could not resist and yelled out loud...

Wow! Fortune teller!

*another outburst from the class*

A few weeks ago, the bunch of us classmates were having supper. It was the last night of the Chinese Hungry Ghost festival.

Cherylynn shared with us a really funny story about what she saw on the way back home.

There were a lot of lit red candles on the ground. She witnessed a young Malay boy walking up to a candle. The boy squatted down, looking curiously at the candle. Then he exclaimed loudly...

Happy Birthday!

Thankfully, he didn't blow out the candle.

A few days ago, I had just parked my car when the security guard approached me. Pointing to a white Mercedes drenched in the water gushing out from the burst pipe above, she told me to avoid parking in that area. Apparently, a sewage pipe had burst about an hour ago. The poor car was covered in shit and piss.

Three days after the incident, the security guard approached me again. This time, she did not tell me to avoid that area. Instead, she told me that one of the residents copied the car plate number and bought 4D lottery. He apparently won $500.

This is shit luck.

Urinal Placement Flaw.

Picture taken at PSB Academy's Block B ground level toilet.

Men's washroom design gone wrong.

No Studying Sign.

We were at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf @ Tampines One.

I laughed my ass off when I saw this little cardboard sign sitting at the edge of the table.

Would have been funnier if someone had took it and left it in the library.

After our paper, we decided to have lunch at ABC Market @ Jalan Bukit Merah.

Me : Four glasses of sugarcane, anything else?
Nick : One glass of Michael Jackson.
Me : What?!
Nick : Just tell the lady Michael Jackson. She will understand!
Me : What's Michael Jackson?
Gabriel : Soya bean mixed with grass jelly.
Me : I see! Neither black nor white!

So I walked towards the drink stall.

Me : Auntie, give me four sugarcane...
Shopkeeper : Ok. Anything else?
Me : *loudly* And one Michael Jackson!
Shopkeeper : Ok. Table number?

Jessie and I were about to go to bed.

Me : Want to hear a secret?
Jessie : Tell me.
Me : Come under the covers first.

*Jessie climbed into the bed and went under the covers. We were surrounded in darkness.*

Jessie : Come on tell me.
Me : We need a bit of light in here.

*Jessie reached for her handphone and used it as a light source under the covers.*

Me : Can you see my face?
Jessie : Yes! Yes! Hurry! What is it?
Me : Do you want to hear a secret?
Jessie : Hurry! Just tell me!

*I just stared at Jessie. She was grinning in anticipation. There was a long silence.*

Me : I just farted.

Jessie threw the covers off and jumped out of bed.

Bombay Sapphire Gin.

A few nights ago, I was thinking about Gin Tonic so much that I walked into an Indian convenience store...

Me : Uncle, where can I find two cans of Gin Tonic?
Uncle : It's over there, in the fridge.

*Uncle gets up from his chair, walks to the fridge, takes two cans of F&N Tonic Water.*

Uncle : This one, am I right?
Me : Yes. Thank you.
Uncle : This one is tonic water. Gin, you have to add yourself.

And we both burst out laughing!

I asked Jespal Singh if he was interested to meet up his brother cum ex-camp mate Davinder Singh, who just returned from Australia for a holiday. Not that they were blood brothers or anything, but I patiently explained to him time and time again that they had the same surname, so they were theoratically brothers.

Jespal : Can, we can meet up. So three of us?
Me : Yea. We'll keep it that way. Just have coffee or something. I know you can make us laugh.
Jespal : But it's very weird ...
Me : Weird? Like how?
Jespal : One chinese going out with two bhais.
Me : No, I don't find it weird. I'm ok with that.
Jespal : Do you know what you call that?
Me : Call what? No. What do you call that.

He paused for a moment. It's called..

OREO.